Principle 4: Lament and Grumbling are not the same thing

Has reading the Psalms ever made you uncomfortable? For me sometimes it’s the complaints about God’s abandonment. Things like, “My God, I cry out to you by day but you do not answer me, by night, but I find no rest.” (Ps 22:2)
Sometimes they just sound like whiners. “All day long they twist my words; all their schemes are for my ruin. They conspire, they lurk they watch my steps hoping to take my life.” (Ps 56:5-6)

All of this begs the question in my mind -- What exactly is the difference between the psalmist’s bitter complaints and the grumblings of the bad actors from the book of Numbers like Korah and the 10 spies? The one is held up as an example of praise and prayer to follow and the other is condemned as a sin alongside sexual immorality and idolatry. (I Cor 10:6-10)

In many ways I feel like the hardest part of my experience with having a broken back is still ahead. Up until now, I have been focused on recovery and doctor’s appointments; and I have been able to convalesce with my needs taken care of.  I have spent a lot of time just thinking about how thankful I am to be alive and not permanently maimed. I am thankful for the 176th Wing Rescue Squadrons that showed up in the nick of time to carry us to safety and treatment. But at some point I would do well to count up my losses and grieve them well.

 
Things like: the time lost with my students that I will never be able to get back, not getting to finish my house with my own hands, and losing the ability to physically help my wife through her third trimester and delivery.  I’m sure the list will grow, especially as I return home next week and try to figure out the new normal.

 
So how can I, as I grapple with these things, keep it in the realm of lament and praise while avoiding the pitfall of grumbling? Here are some observations I’ve made that I will need to learn to apply:

Grumbling 

• Has blatant overtones of a lack of faith. When the Israelites were about to go into the promise land, they struggled because some of the spies brought a bad report and caused doubt that God could give them the land. “If only we had died in Egypt or in this wilderness! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?” (Num 14:2) 
• Accuses God of wrongdoing and chooses to hold on to bitterness. “It is against the LORD that you and all you followers have banded together. (Num 16:11) 
• Goes hand in hand with rebellion against authority. “The next day, the whole Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron, ‘you have killed the lord’s People,’ they said.” (Num 16:14)

Lament 

• Is unashamed to express emotion / grief. “I am worn out from my groaning, all night long I flood my bed with weeping…” (Ps 6:6) 
• Is not afraid to ask questions but doesn’t demand answers. “Why, Lord do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Ps 10:1)
• Circles around to praise and trust. There are many examples of this throughout the Psalms and usually if people are disturbed by what they read, it’s because they are reading a verse or section alone and don’t finish the Psalm. I like to go to Psalm 13 for a clear example of this because in 6 short verses, it goes from questioning God’s apparent absence, to asking for His response to expressing trust and faith in Him.

 Psalm 13
"For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, 'I have overcome him,'
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me."

Lord, help me to maintain a faith in your unfailing love even when I am sad and don’t understand.

Dreams

I don’t like having too many things, they weigh me down.

I don’t like having too much money with no purpose. It makes me feel like I’ve fallen for an ideal that’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. Like I’m chasing a dream that never actually invaded my sleep.

So what is my dream?

I want to be free to serve. My God has given his all for me, how can I not give my all for him. What purpose do things serve in that? Especially for someone who is not primarily a gift giver. I love to give time, I love to teach, I love to walk through life with people and help them Grow closer to God.

So why does God keep blessing me financially? 4 years ago, I realized that it was so that I could go to school and learn to teach the Word and lead. So for 4 years that’s where the money God gave me went. Now, here I am with a degree, debt free and God is still blessing me. I don’t suppose I really make that much compared to most. I have an incredible team of supporters who give faithfully allowing me to live the dream that God gave me. I have a great summer job for a few months, but the biggest thing is that I have remained mostly free of financial burdens. So the question is, what do I do with what I have to serve my God most faithfully?

Well, remember that whole thing about wanting to be free to serve? What does that look like in Alaska, in the bush. According to our Guest Mentor Paul Boskoffsky of Naknek who is a well respected leader in the church and who has first hand experience with the good and the bad of Alaska missions over the years, we need to observe. A good servant of the people of Alaska will take the time to listen, to be involved in people’s lives in multiple settings, to be present.

I have not lived in Port Alsworth for very long, but I can tell you it is a very hard thing to do when you are stuck in “the Port Alsworth bubble.” It is a great place to live, but it’s also a great place to get out of touch with what’s going on around you and with the reality of the lives of the very people that we want to serve.

So how do we break free of the bubble? How do we get out to be available to those that don’t live here? It’s simple…

Fly

So that’s exactly what I intend to do. After putting it to prayer, it appears that the time is right, the resources are there and there is no better way for me to invest my time and money at this point in life.  I have a new scene in my dream and I’m beginning to get excited about it. Learning to fly is something that I’ve never even allowed myself to dream about before, but now it seems that I get to.

I have no idea how this is going to work out in the long run, only that I can take the first steps into a new adventure so I could use many prayers to carry me along the way.

And who knows, I might even enjoy it. J

Perspective 4000'

Lake Clark covered in ice fog

There are several reasons why I like flying; one is experiencing the simply incredible scientific phenomenon of flight itself. It is, well… Phenomenal. The other is the perspective that it gives you. They say sometimes you miss the forest for the trees, but I think sometimes in Alaska it’s more like missing the mountain range for the mountains.

Tanalian Mtn.

Here in Port Alsworth you can see a number of mountains but most of the view is just the one that looms overhead known as Tanalian Mountain. But this past weekend, Mark brought me with him on a trip down to Naknek. In a matter of minutes after taking off with his Cherokee Six we leave the Alaska Range behind us, fly over Alaska’s largest lake, across seemingly endless flats, and find the ocean. I’ve seen it all on maps before, but there’s nothing like seeing it all from the air to help you really understand the terrain.

I will not deny, that a botanist who gets down on his hands and knees with a magnifying glass and studies the tundra that I am flying 4000 feet over at 160 mph will also see the nature of God reflected in his creation, but I also believe there is a time to step back and remember what we are looking at.

I have spent entire semesters at Multnomah Bible College focusing on single books. The pages of Jonah and Ephesians are a little extra worn in my bibles and I have gleaned incredible life changing truths from them. But now my knees are sore and my back is tired and I’m itching to fly. I want a fresh perspective. What is this book that I’ve spent my life studying really about. How does the Story flow? How does each book build on the others? Who are the main characters? What is the plot? Who are the heroes and who are the villains? What character do I get to play?

The Alaska Range

That is my task for the next 3 months, to gain some altitude, get a better view, see the sights. And the best part is that I don’t have to do it alone. Eric and myself have been having a blast as we begin the process of looking over what we will teach the students at Tanalian Leadership Center this year. And while Eric and I are more equipped, I expect it will be more like asking the students to join us on an exploration adventure than it will be teaching them what we’ve learned.

We bought a roll of paper 18 inches x 1200 feet so we can record our progress on the journey and always look back to see where we’ve been. The length of the paper, however, does not limit the potential for adventure, and I have a feeling that if we ever come back from this one, we will not be the same.