The Questionless Conversation

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation trying to get to know someone and end up feeling like you’re giving them the third degree? Or you keep getting one word answers like, “yup, nope, good, nah” etc. Honestly, I can understand the frustration on both sides. The question asker is frustrated by not really getting anything of value and the questioned is annoyed by the persistent assaults on the castle of his private life.
I would like to propose that the questionless conversation could be a liberating alternative to its mutually frustrating counterpart, which I affectionately call the interrogation. First of all, it is important to know the theology and heart behind the questionless conversation. If the foundation of it is well understood and put into practice then there will be much more freedom in your methodology as long as your heart is in the right place.
The basis of a good conversation is connection with the heart as opposed to a collection of information. If we think about the way that God draws us into relationship with Him, we realize that He does not demand much from us. Rather, He invites us into relationship with Him. He shows us His love through His Son and gives us the option to choose to respond with love or rejection. This is a risky approach, which is why I believe I tend to avoid it quite often in my relationship with others. It’s not fun being denied relationship when you extend an invitation. Yet, that’s exactly how God puts Himself out there. He has relinquished His total control of our response so that we can freely choose to connect with Him.
One reason I think specific questions are used in attempts to connect with people, is that the one asking the question has some control over what kind of response he or she gets. The questionless conversation relinquishes that control. Instead it seeks to express an interest in the other’s heart and allows them the freedom to respond at whatever level of depth they choose.
Imagine the person’s life is like a pantry with lots of shelves. On the top shelves they have small facts about themselves and their experiences. “I’ve been to France,” “I have three brothers,” and the like. As you go down to the middle shelves, you get the heavier items such as experiences themselves. This is where things begin to take the shape of stories. They might even have emotions attached to them and they could act as a window to the heart, but they are not the heart. Finally, at the bottom are the stories, the pains and the joys. These are the heavy items. When someone hands you one of these, it should always be treated as sacred, valuable, and private. Treating these with respect will affirm the person’s dignity and help you both connect with the heart God gave them.
If I were to barge into someone’s house and start asking for things from their pantry, what do you suppose they are likely to give me? As an intruder, I expect they would hand me the least valuable items, the facts. But what if I extended an invitation. Would you like to come over for a Barbeque? Bring something to share if you would like. Then, when they are free to share whatever they desire, one is far more apt to pick something from a lower shelf. Once they see how I treat that, they may bring something even more valuable the next time, or even invite me over. Then we have a true relationship beginning.
So how does this questionless conversation work practically? The first time I was asked to try this, I was frustrated because I didn’t have any other way of starting conversation. But I have since come up with a few alternatives that have more of a feel of an invitation than an interrogation. So here they are.
• The expression of interest: “I would love to hear about…”
This one is key; it’s the foundation of the others and makes people feel welcome to share freely. It can also be used to go deeper if you say something like “I would love to hear more about…”
• The invitation to depth: “Tell me more about…”
This one should be used cautiously with both tone and placement so that it’s not a demand. Use it to show that you heard what them and are interested.
• Curiosity: “I’m curious about…”
This shows that you have an interest in some aspect of the person’s life and invites them to share more without restrictions on what or how much they share.
• Wondering: “I wonder if _____ is connected with _______.”
This one is good for searching out connections between things without assuming that you know or have the answer. Invites the other to consider connections with you.
• Reframing: “It seems like you’re saying …”
This shows the person that you’ve been listening. It’s amazing how often this leads to deeper conversation simply because they know they are heard.
• Observation: “I noticed when you were talking, you said…” or, “I noticed you looked down when you started talking about…”
These ones can be particularly hard not to draw conclusions from. We may know or think we know what is happening, but it is still more inviting to allow them the option to explain from their perspective.

My hope is that you’ll take the challenge and try out this approach with some conversations with friends or strangers. When getting used to it, it can be fun to challenge yourself to see how long you can go in a conversation without asking a question. If you get stuck and can’t think of a non-question, don’t fret or freeze, just ask a question to keep things flowing and remember the principle of expressing an interest and inviting the other to share. As you have opportunity keep using the ideas above or improvise your own. See what works for you and enjoy. I trust it will give a new richness and life to your relationships.

The Christmas Presence

In the beginning, God was here, happy to just be with us. His creation was so good and he seemed to enjoy spending time with the piece of it that was specifically made in his image. But then man decided that he thought he could find a better god in himself, then when that failed in thousands of other “deities” throughout the millennia. Since God is a righteous and jealous God, he couldn’t just live here with people who were pushing him away. So he withdrew his presence from us but still kept a close watch over his prize creation.
Yet he was not content for it to stay that way. Being jealous for his people, He was determined to draw them back to himself so he could once again live among them. So He called out a people to be his own from among the nations and set them apart. He delivered them from incredible bondage by the mighty power of his hand and he made a covenant with them. He appeared in a huge storm cloud over the mountain with thunder and lightening and He gave them the law so they became the first people on earth to know exactly what God expected. Thus his people grew to know him like no other people since the beginning. Then, when they had agreed to abide by the covenant and make themselves a holy people, he told them to make him a special tent so he could come and live among them, almost like in the beginning. This tent was beautiful. It was constructed generous portions of fine gold, precious metals and fabric, every piece of which was a gift from the people who wanted to contribute to the construction of this new dwelling place of God. And so, through a system of blood shed for sin, separation by a veil and special intermediaries called priests, God was once again able to come and live among his people. His cloud came and filled the tent and his fire was seen burning in it every night. Yet it was not like the beginning because of the degrees of separation between him and his people. Especially when the people forgot the covenant and began sinning once again. Then God’s presence would lift from among them because they clearly did not want to live with Him. Along with it, would go his protection and provision, and the people would suffer.
Eventually, through many ups and downs, God brought his people into the land that he had promised them and established them in it largely by the hand of the mighty and obedient hand of King David, the “man after God’s own heart.” He wanted to build God a house so he wouldn’t have to live in a tent anymore, but God said, “No, But I will build you a house and your dynasty will last forever” So instead, his son built God a house which was one of the most beautiful buildings ever seen and God came and lived in the house which they called the temple and his presence was with his people there in Jerusalem. Yet there was a problem, the people still had rebellious hearts and they soon turned away from God once again. It was not long before it got so bad, that God had to remove both his people and his presence from the land in hopes of drawing them back to himself a few decades later.
It was around that time that the prophets wrote about a day when God would mend the core problem and give men new hearts to replace their rebellious ones. Only then could He hope to live among them forever. So although he brought his people back into their land and they rebuilt the temple there, that was not his final plan. Rather, they were to wait for one who was to come and change them from the inside.
So finally, on the chosen day, God came to earth; but this time, He’s not in a storm cloud with thunder and lightning, He’s not in a mysterious cloud living in a tent separated from his people, but rather in the form of a baby like one of our own. He so desired to just be with us, that he was willing to come right down to our level and be one of us. From there he went on to show us what kind of an abundant life we could be living with him as our master. He did the work that it took to give us new hearts, to the point of shedding his own blood. He walked with us stride for stride and being himself the cornerstone, he set the standard for the foundation stones of the apostles and prophets, and thus, the basis for a new building in which his presence could dwell among us. This would be the house he promised to David, but this house was not made from mere cloth, and skins; or even stones and cedar like the temple building. This time, his house is known as the church, its structure is the people of God who, together form the new dwelling place of the almighty right here on earth. It is not made from gifts of Gold or precious metals, but rather people who offer themselves willingly because they want to be a part of the house where they can invite people in to come and get to know the God who not only made them, but loves them more deeply than they can imagine.

When a surveyor teaches Bible survey

Anna, Melissa, Megan, Del, Me

After listening to Dell Tackett (from the Truth Project) speak here at Ministry Family Retreat last week, I was inspired on multiple levels. Dell spoke of how the Christian life and hope itself aught not to be defined by our story and what we might gain at the end, but by the Larger Story written in perfection by God himself. The extent that we have real hope is the extent that we consider ourselves a part of His story rather than our own. When I realized what he was saying, I immediately knew I had to communicate this idea to my students so they also could find true hope.

 The second challenge that Dell issued was concerning the glorious yet treacherous task of teaching. He suggested that the teacher’s highest calling is not merely to help information enter the minds of students, but to find some way to work with the Holy Spirit in helping the truth penetrate to the inner recesses of the mind known as the heart in which beliefs are held and therefore actions are born. It was then that I realized I had to find a way to communicate this idea of our story vs. God’s story to the heart. 

I needed something really big to compare to something really small. Well, it just so happens that I live next to a 3000 ft runway. So after hatching a plan, I took the students out there for our “intro to Bible” day. We walked up the runway a ways and I had them stand side by side in a line facing the far end. I told them that where they stand now represents the present, behind them is the past and in front is the future. Then using 1 inch = 1 year. We marked out on the ground their estimated lifespan, none of which exceeded 9 feet. Then I had them mark out the beginning of time, assuming it was approximately 6,000 years ago, by walking 178 paces (~500’) back toward the beginning of the runway. Then I had them guess at how long the world might last before Christ comes back and several guessed that it would be before their life was over while the longest was a mere 25’ in the future. Then we stepped back to consider which story they really wanted to be a part of, the little one that represented their lives, or the gigantic one we could barely see the marker for the beginning of and the end of which was alarmingly close. We then talked about how those aren’t really the beginning and the end, but God knew us before the foundation of the world (which in this case was somewhere out in the middle of the lake) and his story continued with us as a part of it far beyond the far end of the runway into eternity. From there it was an easy jump to show how the Word of God is his invitation to not only learn his story, but to join Him in it. 

 So next time you’re out on a walk and hit a straight stretch of road, count off a 178 paces, then look back and consider how your life is less than 9 feet of that. Whose story do you want to be a part of?

The Bible in 1200 words

I just finished teaching the first of what looks to be many bible survey classes here at Tanalian Leadership Center and I can tell you it is one of the most life changing experiences piecing the story of the Bible together and stepping back to admire the complete picture. Because the process impacted me so deeply, I thought I would share my attempt at painting the picture for you in a few paragraphs. Of course it won’t come anywhere near the picture we have painted here over the last three months on several hundred feet of butcher paper, but it is the same story after all.

There were two trees that had names in the garden, The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and The Tree of Life. Man, being the brilliant creature that he is, chose the Tree of Knowledge and was off from the Tree of Life and found himself face to face with death. Yet even as God is dealing out the consequences, he is also hinting at a plan for restoration. The offspring of Eve will crush Satan’s head.[1]

As the reader walks down the rest of the Old Testament road, he finds that this is only the first of many road signs all pointing to something ahead; something that brings hope.[2]

In Noah and Babel, we see God’s forbearance and mercy toward people who seem to be hopelessly sinful[3] and a promise not to wipe them out again.[4] In Abraham we see a man who was considered righteous because of his faith[5] and a promise to make him a blessing to all nations.[6] In Joseph we see forgiveness[7], in the Passover we see redemption by the blood of a lamb[8], in Moses we see communion with God,[9] in the Law we see the holiness of God[10] and a promise of blessing for obedience, cursing for disobedience,[11] and restoration for repentance.[12] In David we see glimpses of a godly king,[13] yet he too is taken by sin and dies,[14] but not before the promise of a king to rule in his house forever[15].

Then the prophets paint for us ugly pictures of sin and judgment contrasted with beautiful pictures of restoration and a promise that the coming king from David’s house will be the deliverer. Through suffering,[16] he will give us new hearts, hearts of flesh in place of stone[17], hearts with the law written on them.[18]

Yet at the end of the Old Testament, we see persistent sin,[19] Chaos, partial restoration, but a devastated people still looking and waiting for this promised messiah.[20]

Then silence for 400 years…

And the story picks up again with some very strange circumstances. In Luke, it’s the announcement of the birth of a herald. A specially anointed man who would prepare the way for the Messiah. Then the Messiah himself is announced.[21] Yet instead of a mighty warrior riding in and taking over, he comes in the least expected way, a child born in a stable to common folk. Raised in a humble town in a simple family.[22] Then we begin to see why when he quotes Isaiah and claims the words as his own.

"The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Luke 4:18, Is 61:1-2)

Consistent with this, he lives a life of humility and compassion and when he does finally ride into Jerusalem to set her free, it’s on a donkey and it’s with tears over the impending rejection of her king.[23] Sure enough, it wasn’t long before the words of the prophets were fulfilled.[24]

"Surely he has borne our grief’s and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace and with his stripes we are healed."

(Is 53:4-5)

In this we see that his death was not in vain, but it was actually in our place. Looking back at the history into which his life and death speaks, we see that he was the substitute ram,[25] he was the lamb who’s blood was shed,[26] he was the forgiver of sins,[27] he was the righteousness of God,[28] he was the coming king.[29] History begins to make sense at the foot of the cross. And suddenly we have a choice to make. We are all thieves nailed to our doom by the blood on our hands,[30] yet the promise from Deuteronomy still stands, whispering in our ear, restoration for repentance.[31] Yet some still scoff.

“he was” is a depressing term though. What is a dead king to a hurting nation? That’s why he didn’t stay dead. The women come to the tomb only to be met with a pile of empty grave clothes and a question, “why do you look for the living among the dead?[32]

A few days later two disciples are walking lonely road to Emmaus, trying to make sense of everything that has happened, not sure what to believe. A man appears and in a seven-mile long conversation he hands them the keys to unlock history and prophesy.[33]

It was not long before the disciples found themselves hearing Jesus say,

 "you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the earth."[34]

And they watched him ascend to heaven leaving the promise to send a helper.[35]

Then at the harvest feast, the helper comes and the Church is born with Spirit and fire. Thus God has returned to dwell among us, but these hands and feet aren’t pierced by nails, rather they bear a striking resemblance to our own.[36] The Spirit dwells in us and suddenly we find ourselves caught up in the story, no longer as casual observers but as active participants. A crucial component of God’s plan to bring light to the nations.[37]

Through the painful rejection of their messiah, Israel slammed the door in the face of God and the door to the gentiles is opened.[38] Now the gospel goes out unchecked by even the worst of persecutions.[39] In the hands of the formerly poor, imprisoned, blind and oppressed, the good news goes out to the same.[40] And we work with an urgency, knowing only that he is coming soon,[41] and when he comes, he brings judgment for the wicked[42] but for those who’s names are in the book of life, the story ends back where it started, with the Tree of Life. But then, instead of standing alone in the garden with only two souls to nourish, it will stand in the midst of a huge city bringing healing to all the nations who will have been restored to it’s life by the blood of the lamb who was slain and is worthy to receive all the glory. [43]

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come.” [44]

---

[1] Genesis 2-3

[2] Luke 24:27

[3] Gen 8-11

[4] Gen 8:21-22

[5] Gen 15:6

[6] Gen 17:5, 26:4

[7] Gen 45

[8] Exodus 12

[9] Exod 33:11

[10] Leviticus 11:44

[11] Deuteronomy 28

[12] Deut 30

[13] I Samuel 13:14

[14] II Samuel 11

[15] II Samuel 7

[16] Isaiah 52:13-53:12

[17] Ezekiel 36:26

[18] Jeremiah 31:33

[19] Ezra 9-10

[20] Luke 2:22-38

[21] Luke 1-2

[22] Luke 2:1-21

[23] Luke 19:28-44

[24] Luke 22:37

[25] Gen 22

[26] Exodus 12

[27] Deut 30

[28] Hebrews 4:15

[29] Luke 23:3

[30] Luke 23:39-43

[31] Deut 30

[32] Luke 24:5

[33] Luke 24:13-35

[34] Acts 1:8

[35] Acts 1:6-10

[36] Acts 2

[37] Acts 26:23, Isa 42:6, Isa 49:6, Luke 2:32, Gen 26:4

[38] Acts 28:23-28

[39] Acts 8:4

[40] Luke 4:18, Is 61:1-2, II Cor 4:1-6

[41] Revelation 3:11, 22:7, 12, 20

[42] Revelation 20:15

[43] Revelation 22:1-5

[44] Revelation 4:8

Perspective 4000'

Lake Clark covered in ice fog

There are several reasons why I like flying; one is experiencing the simply incredible scientific phenomenon of flight itself. It is, well… Phenomenal. The other is the perspective that it gives you. They say sometimes you miss the forest for the trees, but I think sometimes in Alaska it’s more like missing the mountain range for the mountains.

Tanalian Mtn.

Here in Port Alsworth you can see a number of mountains but most of the view is just the one that looms overhead known as Tanalian Mountain. But this past weekend, Mark brought me with him on a trip down to Naknek. In a matter of minutes after taking off with his Cherokee Six we leave the Alaska Range behind us, fly over Alaska’s largest lake, across seemingly endless flats, and find the ocean. I’ve seen it all on maps before, but there’s nothing like seeing it all from the air to help you really understand the terrain.

I will not deny, that a botanist who gets down on his hands and knees with a magnifying glass and studies the tundra that I am flying 4000 feet over at 160 mph will also see the nature of God reflected in his creation, but I also believe there is a time to step back and remember what we are looking at.

I have spent entire semesters at Multnomah Bible College focusing on single books. The pages of Jonah and Ephesians are a little extra worn in my bibles and I have gleaned incredible life changing truths from them. But now my knees are sore and my back is tired and I’m itching to fly. I want a fresh perspective. What is this book that I’ve spent my life studying really about. How does the Story flow? How does each book build on the others? Who are the main characters? What is the plot? Who are the heroes and who are the villains? What character do I get to play?

The Alaska Range

That is my task for the next 3 months, to gain some altitude, get a better view, see the sights. And the best part is that I don’t have to do it alone. Eric and myself have been having a blast as we begin the process of looking over what we will teach the students at Tanalian Leadership Center this year. And while Eric and I are more equipped, I expect it will be more like asking the students to join us on an exploration adventure than it will be teaching them what we’ve learned.

We bought a roll of paper 18 inches x 1200 feet so we can record our progress on the journey and always look back to see where we’ve been. The length of the paper, however, does not limit the potential for adventure, and I have a feeling that if we ever come back from this one, we will not be the same.