Principle 3: What happens IN you is more important than what happens TO you.

Dr. Larry Severson

 

They say suffering builds character, but I’ve noticed that it can either build character or foster bitterness.

It was discharge day! It had been a full week in the hospital and I finally got a change of scenery. Two more weeks before I get to go home though. The phone rings, it’s my friend who was flying the plane when we went down. He’s calling to offer his sincere apologies for what happened and what we are all going through…

It would have been easy to find someone to blame, there is always someone to blame whether they are actually at fault or not. If all else fails, we can always blame God (who is supposed to be in control of everything) for not controlling it the way we wanted Him to. You see, the reality is, when we suffer a wound, whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise, it’s a lot like running a plow through a field. It tears up the soil and makes it ready for planting. The problem is, that seeds of truth are not the only thing being planted. The enemy is prowling around waiting for his opportunity to plant lies at the same vulnerable moment.

We have a choice in that moment what we nurture and grow. One of the most profound things I have heard on trauma from Marcus Werner is, something along the lines of, “It’s not the size of the wound that produces the effects of trauma, but the size of the lie that we believe as a result of the wound.”

We could sit around and compare wounds all day. But suddenly my measly broken back would look pretty small compared with my friend, Elishaba’s, 29 years of every kind of abuse imaginable that she just chronicled in her book Out of the Wilderness. Yet, she is one of the most soft-hearted, forgiving, and loving people I know. How does this happen? She let Christ work in her and He is pulling up the destructive lies and planting a beautiful garden of truth and forgiveness.

The reality is, there is not much point in comparison, but there is great value in keeping a close watch on our hearts in these moments. “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” (Heb 12:15)

“Forgive one another, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.” (Eph 4:32)

So, yes, in that moment talking to the pilot, I had a choice to make. Thankfully it had already been made when I chose a life of forgiveness. To follow Jesus is to forgive. How could I choose bitterness when he chose grace toward me?

So do I know who or what caused the crash? No, not really. Do I need to? I don’t think so, because I don’t need someone to blame. That’s not the Jesus way.

And yes, there are a lot of other things that can happen in a person’s heart as a result of trauma, many of them ugly and some quite beautiful.

“Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Rom 8:3-5)

The important part is to remember that, while we can’t always control what happens to us, but thanks to the Holy Spirit and the Word, we can control how we respond to it. That will determine whose likeness we represent to the world.