Principle 8: Jesus wants to share the Joy of suffering

 

The suffering of Christ was not enough by itself. He wanted me to have the joy of suffering too.

Before you freak out about the doctrine of the sufficiency of Christ, let me clarify. The work of Christ on the cross was completely sufficient to accomplish the work of atonement, the forgiveness of our sins. However, Paul says in Colossians 1:24,

"Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church."

(Gee, how nice of you, Jesus, to save some suffering for us.)

 What exactly did he mean by this, " Lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions?" I believe he intentionally chose to include us in the work by asking us to go out and experience the necessary process of suffering to invite as many as possible to Kingdom citizenship and to build up the Church. For Paul this meant many days and nights of extremely hazardous travel which resulted in multiple shipwrecks and being left adrift at sea. It meant fearing for his life every time he got up in front of the Jews to speak the gospel. The list goes on, but the point is that Paul was happy to take all these risks and consequences because that was the suffering that Jesus was asking him to fill. Jesus came to save people but he has left it to us to spread the word. Should we expect that although our Lord and Savior had to suffer to accomplish the work that we would somehow get off the hook? We are off the hook for punishment, but we get to join him in suffering to bring about his Kingdom work here on earth. 

So this all got me thinking; what is it that inspires people to willingly follow someone into a situation that they know will bring suffering? 

A: The quality of the leader they are following. Have you ever had a boss that you just enjoyed working for? Not just the fun kind of enjoy, but you go to work every day with security knowing that your boss has your back and they will go to bat for you in a moment. You know they are looking for opportunities to be generous and they will truly appreciate, not just your work but you. These are the kind of bosses we follow into the fire. 

 B: The importance of the mission they are on. I think this is well illustrated by the current conflict in Ukraine. There is no way that the little, relatively young country of Ukraine should have lasted as long as it has against a behemoth like Russia. But if you think about it. The Ukrainians are fighting for their homes and their families as well as their country. Everything important to them is at stake. I would imagine many of the Russians don't even want to be involved in this war and don't believe in it but they are just doing what they are told. 

 

As believers, we have both the best leader that has ever existed and the most important cause to suffer for. 

I think that means that we ought to be willing to suffer more than anyone.  

But what it also means is that we can find the most joy in our suffering because there is no greater reason to suffer than bringing people into the Kingdom of God and eternal life. There is also no one greater to suffer for than Jesus, who has already suffered the ultimate penalty on our behalf. 

So, when he asks us, as Paul did to Timothy in his call to leadership, 

"but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God." (I Timothy 1:8)

We have no reason to shrink back from that but we can dive in will the full assurance that there is joy set before us just as there was for Jesus on the cross. 

For me, this time, that meant taking a relatively small risk of flying across a remote part of Alaska to serve our neighbors in whatever way was needed to show them what Jesus is like and that they are worth loving. It just happened to catch up with me. 

But many times this means choosing to work with difficult people. Perhaps moving to a location that is inherently dangerous. For some it means traveling into conflict zones to help the helpless. For others it might be facing hate or rejection for standing on biblical principles or sharing their faith. We don't have to be some "frontlines" missionary to fill up the sufferings of Christ, we just have to be willing to do what he asks. The suffering will find us soon enough and with it, we find the joy of participating in the suffering of Christ. 

Dear friends, do not be astonished that a trial by fire is occurring among you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in the degree that you have shared in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice and be glad.

(1 Pe 4:12–13).

Principle 7: Weak is the New Strong

So there I was, laying on the ice, not daring to move any more than wiggling my toes. That partly to keep the circulation going and partly to reassure myself that they still worked. I knew from the pain in my lower back that any unnecessary movement could have catastrophic consequences. Meanwhile my friends are on the ice next to me needing medical attention. One complains of trouble breathing, another is confused and disoriented. Ashley's not a complainer so she doesn't say much, but when I lift the blankets to see her face, I see a lot of blood and pain written all over it and I can tell she's worse off than me. As Eric hobbles around, he manages to keep us all warm, but he soon realizes that if he gets down to help someone, he's not getting up again. 

How am I feeling in this moment? Grateful to be alive? Yes, but also totally helpless, weak, useless. I have first aid training but I couldn't use any of it. I was totally dependent on someone coming to help with zero ability to help anyone else. 

The next three days brought lots of laying flat on my back unable to even sit up or roll onto my side. Pro-tip: if you're going to break your back, don't do it on a Friday because you have to wait for all the doctors to be "in the office" on Monday to decide what to do with you. Thankfully, they had a good plan and surgery went well. But then I got what sounded a little like a sentence to imprisonment. No lifting, bending, or twisting for 3 months, 1 year of recovery, lift no more than a gallon of milk. What does all that spell? Weakness... I'm going to be useless for a long time. 

But then there's Paul...

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." (II Cor 11:30)

Gee, thanks a lot Paul, now I have to re-think everything...

When Paul says this, he's in the middle of a battle to re-claim credibility with the Corinthian church as their founding apostle. It seems that some "super apostles" had come in with fancy speeches, leaning on the conventional wisdom that "you get what you pay for" mocked Paul for his free teaching. While they claimed to be important people, Paul makes his defense by saying he could foolishly match all their worldly claims to fame, but instead he chooses to boast in his weaknesses. 

In II Cor 11:23-29 Paul goes on to "boast" about how he has been a manual laborer, a convict and nearly died multiple times. He appears to be extremely accident prone and it seems like nearly everyone wants to kill him. Then, to top off his resume, he has extensive experience being cold, naked, and anxious. 

He goes on to explain that he could boast in his incredible revelations from God, but no; God put a "thorn in his flesh" to teach him that, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christs's sake, I delight in weaknesses , in insults in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Cor 12:9-10)

So I guess that means, not only do I have to re-think the meaning of my weakness, but also my feelings about it. How dare Paul delight in his hardships!

So how exactly is God's power made perfect in my weakness? I don't know. But what I do know is that although Paul's resume may have been a little sketchy, he was one of the most successful church planter / evangelists of all time. As an apostle of Christ,  He is a foundation stone of the Church as it exists today. Why? Because of his weakness. 

So I choose to look forward to seeing what God can do through my current state of helplessness. It aught to be a good show. 

Principle 6: Prayer is a Gift

 

As we prepared and planned for our trip to Levelock, Pastor Luke presented it to the church saying, "This is an 'all church' missions trip." That is to say, there are ways for everyone to be involved even though only a few will be going. One of the main ways that he suggested people be involved was through prayer. Now, I don't know about you but I'm guilty of hearing that kind of thing in many situations over the years and thinking, "Ah, I see how it is, I've been relegated to the bottom rung of the ladder where, 'All we can do is pray.'" 

However, this is clearly not how Paul viewed the gift of prayer in his second letter to the Corinthian Church. In 1:8 Paul reflects on his time in Asia when he was under such intense affliction that he gave up hope of living through it. But then he goes on to recognize the purpose of all of it in vs. 9. 

Indeed we felt as if the sentence of death had been passed against us, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in the God who raises the dead. He delivered us from so great a risk of death, and he will deliver us. We have set our hope on him that he will deliver us yet again, 

So, through this near death experience, Paul and his companions got to learn what it meant to depend on the God who is capable of resurrection in a situation in which he absolutely could not control the outcome. He learned to put his hope in the deliverance of God both then and in the future. What does Paul attribute this miraculous rescue and spiritual lesson to? The prayers of the Corinthians and many others. 

As you also join in helping us by prayer, so that many people may give thanks to God on our behalf  for the gracious gift given to us through the help of many.

I never really had  chance to despair of life itself, but had I been able to see the ice coming at me in the few seconds of our rapid decent, I probably would have. But meanwhile, my church is praying and I know from experience, one of the most popular prayers out here in the bush is for safe travels. So thanks to that gift, miraculously, we survived impact. 

As I lay there on the ice for hours waiting for rescue, I could take comfort in knowing, there were shockwaves of prayer requests reverberating across the globe. 

As the story unfolded in the next few days, we learned that there was a divinely placed Alaska State Trooper who was responsible for making very difficult decision about how our rescue would go down. He asked for prayer and in minutes before the deadline the best case scenario plays out on the scene as rescue squadrons arrive. 

Another memory that sticks in my mind is being wheeled out of my hospital room on the way to surgery and there is one of my fellow passengers, Eric, he had hobbled over from his room on a broken ankle and camped outside waiting for me since he wasn't allowed in. The one thing he was able to say as I passed by, "People all over the world are praying for you."

I don't take the gift of prayer for granted anymore. I used to see prayer teams as support personnel and the pastors, and missionaries and such were the real "combatants" in our battle against the spiritual forces. But after a few years of being involved in spiritual warfare, I've come to see it differently. The prayer warriors are the Navy, the artillery, and the Air-force bringing the spiritual bombardment on the enemy and when the "infantry" shows up, it's to clean up the mess.

So thank you to the thousands who offered your gifts of prayer. The Lord heard you and spared our lives and our legs. Because of you, we are walking / hobbling and talking today. But please bear in mind that while we are grateful for our physical salvation, the reason we were out there in the first place remains. It's the reason I gladly took the risk of the trip and plan to do it again. The thousands of Alaskans who are stuck in despair and spiritual darkness, and need the hope that we already have in Jesus Christ. Would you join me in launching a spiritual bombardment against the forces evil that would like to destroy our villages? This weekend over a hundred people are coming to our camp here in Port Alsworth for Spring Family Conference. Would you pray that Jesus would rescue those who are lost and whose faith has been shipwrecked, like you prayed for me? 

Principle 5: Gratitude is the Door to Joy in the House of Suffering

I come to and instinctively put my finger on the broken fuel line that is pouring avgas onto my lap. As I hold it there I look around and slowly begin to realize the scene I'm in is real. I'm not dreaming that I'm in a plane crash, I am in one. My back is screaming at me that something is terribly wrong.  I don't move but I listen to each of my friends in the plane respond to each other and realize we're all alive. 

Thank you, Lord. 

As Eric hobbles around like a half broken Energizer Bunny, he extricates each of us from the plane. We're finally all out of the fuel-soaked fuselage, laying on something and covered with every warm item he can find. 

Thank you, Lord.

I struggle with the phones Eric handed me -- call 911, text Megan, text Jeremy, text Annie, 1 bar, zero bars, message send failure over and over... nothing. finally one message says "sent." "Crashed outside ILI 59.64795, -154.98317."

Thank you, Lord.

A Pilatus aircraft is overhead, we've been located.

Thank you, Lord.

Supercub lands and radios the news that we're all alive, bringing some relief to those anxiously waiting at home. 

Thank you, Lord.

People start arriving in droves, more warmth, helping hands and caring faces.

Thank you, Lord. 

Hours later, the welcome sound of helicopter blades cuts the air. The Coastguard and the Rescue Squadrons have arrived. 

Thank you, Lord. 

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

I have to admit, the last post on Lament Vs. Grumbling felt a little surreal to write. I think because I haven't fully experienced those feelings yet, but I wanted to be prepared. Don't get me wrong, there have been tears, but generally they have been when I think about how grateful I am. 

I think we often assume that joy and pain are opposites, but that's simply not biblical or my experience. 

"But as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: ... and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."

(2 Co 6:4–10).

 

A little later as Paul is dealing with church conflict (which we all love doing) he writes. 

I am overflowing with joy in the midst of all our suffering.

(2 Co 7:4). 

I also think of Paul and Silas in Philippi in Acts 16. They've just been beaten with rods, thrown in prison and put in stocks. So what's their natural response? Sing hymns of course! Wouldn't you? 

How can we find joy in the midst of sorrow? By remembering God's gracious act of salvation for us and that we only have to suffer the pain of this world for a short time before we have a better and lasting possessions. In that, we maintain an attitude of gratitude. (I Peter 1:6), (Heb 10:34)  

I feel like I got a physical preview of this spiritual / physical reality. I got to be saved from physical harm and death and got to experience the gratitude of that during and after. But with the salvation of our Lord coming we can experience the gratitude in having been saved, in being saved now, and the sure and certain hope of our coming salvation. That kind of gratitude truly changes a person's outlook on life. 

So here's my observation about gratitude.

In a state of gratitude:

Sorrow is tempered

Despair is banished

Loss is acceptable

Joy is persistent

We got to meet and thank members of the 210th (Helicopters), 211th (HC-130), and 212th (Prarescuemen) Rescue squadrons in person a couple weeks after the rescue. 

Motto inside the hanger door

Meeting the pilot who flew through terrible weather to reach us just before we would have been towed out. 

One of the helicopters used by the 210th 

 

Principle 4: Lament and Grumbling are not the same thing

Has reading the Psalms ever made you uncomfortable? For me sometimes it’s the complaints about God’s abandonment. Things like, “My God, I cry out to you by day but you do not answer me, by night, but I find no rest.” (Ps 22:2)
Sometimes they just sound like whiners. “All day long they twist my words; all their schemes are for my ruin. They conspire, they lurk they watch my steps hoping to take my life.” (Ps 56:5-6)

All of this begs the question in my mind -- What exactly is the difference between the psalmist’s bitter complaints and the grumblings of the bad actors from the book of Numbers like Korah and the 10 spies? The one is held up as an example of praise and prayer to follow and the other is condemned as a sin alongside sexual immorality and idolatry. (I Cor 10:6-10)

In many ways I feel like the hardest part of my experience with having a broken back is still ahead. Up until now, I have been focused on recovery and doctor’s appointments; and I have been able to convalesce with my needs taken care of.  I have spent a lot of time just thinking about how thankful I am to be alive and not permanently maimed. I am thankful for the 176th Wing Rescue Squadrons that showed up in the nick of time to carry us to safety and treatment. But at some point I would do well to count up my losses and grieve them well.

 
Things like: the time lost with my students that I will never be able to get back, not getting to finish my house with my own hands, and losing the ability to physically help my wife through her third trimester and delivery.  I’m sure the list will grow, especially as I return home next week and try to figure out the new normal.

 
So how can I, as I grapple with these things, keep it in the realm of lament and praise while avoiding the pitfall of grumbling? Here are some observations I’ve made that I will need to learn to apply:

Grumbling 

• Has blatant overtones of a lack of faith. When the Israelites were about to go into the promise land, they struggled because some of the spies brought a bad report and caused doubt that God could give them the land. “If only we had died in Egypt or in this wilderness! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?” (Num 14:2) 
• Accuses God of wrongdoing and chooses to hold on to bitterness. “It is against the LORD that you and all you followers have banded together. (Num 16:11) 
• Goes hand in hand with rebellion against authority. “The next day, the whole Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron, ‘you have killed the lord’s People,’ they said.” (Num 16:14)

Lament 

• Is unashamed to express emotion / grief. “I am worn out from my groaning, all night long I flood my bed with weeping…” (Ps 6:6) 
• Is not afraid to ask questions but doesn’t demand answers. “Why, Lord do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Ps 10:1)
• Circles around to praise and trust. There are many examples of this throughout the Psalms and usually if people are disturbed by what they read, it’s because they are reading a verse or section alone and don’t finish the Psalm. I like to go to Psalm 13 for a clear example of this because in 6 short verses, it goes from questioning God’s apparent absence, to asking for His response to expressing trust and faith in Him.

 Psalm 13
"For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, 'I have overcome him,'
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me."

Lord, help me to maintain a faith in your unfailing love even when I am sad and don’t understand.

Principle 3: What happens IN you is more important than what happens TO you.

Dr. Larry Severson

 

They say suffering builds character, but I’ve noticed that it can either build character or foster bitterness.

It was discharge day! It had been a full week in the hospital and I finally got a change of scenery. Two more weeks before I get to go home though. The phone rings, it’s my friend who was flying the plane when we went down. He’s calling to offer his sincere apologies for what happened and what we are all going through…

It would have been easy to find someone to blame, there is always someone to blame whether they are actually at fault or not. If all else fails, we can always blame God (who is supposed to be in control of everything) for not controlling it the way we wanted Him to. You see, the reality is, when we suffer a wound, whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise, it’s a lot like running a plow through a field. It tears up the soil and makes it ready for planting. The problem is, that seeds of truth are not the only thing being planted. The enemy is prowling around waiting for his opportunity to plant lies at the same vulnerable moment.

We have a choice in that moment what we nurture and grow. One of the most profound things I have heard on trauma from Marcus Werner is, something along the lines of, “It’s not the size of the wound that produces the effects of trauma, but the size of the lie that we believe as a result of the wound.”

We could sit around and compare wounds all day. But suddenly my measly broken back would look pretty small compared with my friend, Elishaba’s, 29 years of every kind of abuse imaginable that she just chronicled in her book Out of the Wilderness. Yet, she is one of the most soft-hearted, forgiving, and loving people I know. How does this happen? She let Christ work in her and He is pulling up the destructive lies and planting a beautiful garden of truth and forgiveness.

The reality is, there is not much point in comparison, but there is great value in keeping a close watch on our hearts in these moments. “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” (Heb 12:15)

“Forgive one another, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.” (Eph 4:32)

So, yes, in that moment talking to the pilot, I had a choice to make. Thankfully it had already been made when I chose a life of forgiveness. To follow Jesus is to forgive. How could I choose bitterness when he chose grace toward me?

So do I know who or what caused the crash? No, not really. Do I need to? I don’t think so, because I don’t need someone to blame. That’s not the Jesus way.

And yes, there are a lot of other things that can happen in a person’s heart as a result of trauma, many of them ugly and some quite beautiful.

“Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Rom 8:3-5)

The important part is to remember that, while we can’t always control what happens to us, but thanks to the Holy Spirit and the Word, we can control how we respond to it. That will determine whose likeness we represent to the world.

Principle 2: Risk and suffering for the sake of the Kingdom are completely worthwhile:

Americans are obsessed with safety. Jesus was not. At least not by the same definition. I found I had some time to reflect as I was laying on the ice with a broken back outside of a fuel soaked plane, having somehow just dragged my co-worker away from the wreckage. I would have 6 hours or so before medical transport would begin and I remember thinking, “This is an acceptable outcome for doing what God called us to do.” Why? Because I have seen that God has a different definition of safety.
Take a look at what Paul says in his last days as he gives his charge to Timothy, his companion in Missions and “spiritual son.” II Tim 3:10-11
“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them.”
Then later II Tim 4:18
“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”
Wait a minute. How can you endure something and be rescued from it at the same time? If I remember right, Timothy was living in Lystra when Paul first picked him up as a travel companion. That very same city where, on a previous visit, people pursued Paul from two other cities and stoned him to the point where they thought he was dead and drug him away. But then Paul got up and walked back into the city. Timothy knew these stories because he was there.
My American understanding of safety is all about mitigating all the risks we possibly can. What is more important than the health and wellbeing of our bodies anyway?
Paul’s understanding of “Kingdom Safety” is “God will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.” I may come skidding in sideways, in a ball of flame and carrying a lifetime of scars, but I’ll arrive home safely.
The difference between the American Ideal of safety and the Kingdom version seems to have a lot to do with where “home” is for you. There clearly is something more important than physical safety.
Now, am I saying that we shouldn’t mitigate risks at all? No, that’s not the point. There are many senseless accidents that don’t need to happen. Generally speaking, loving people well means protecting them from harm. The point here is that there is an acceptable level of risk for kingdom work and it’s up to us to know what level God is calling us to and having the courage / trust to follow him into that. I personally, don’t regret one bit taking the risks we did on that trip because I know I was doing what the Lord was asking me to do. There are a lot of things I could have been afraid of but I choose to bear this in mind.
“Fear God and keep his commands, for this is the duty of all mankind,” Ecclesiastes 12:13
And “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the Glory that will be revealed in us.”

Principle 1: It's OK to not Understand

 

Many people have been asking how I am doing lately. I can’t imagine why, except that perhaps it has something to do with having broken my back in an aircraft accident while returning from a service trip recently. My physical healing is progressing well. There have been a number of answers to prayer in that area and that make me very grateful for the thousands who are interceding on my behalf. That is truly a ministry of Christ - asking the Father to heal and retore the physically broken.

However, there is another side to suffering that I wanted to give you all an update on and that is the spiritual / emotional side. It would be easy to be devastated in my situation as I am anticipating my first child in a couple months, I am trying to finish my house to be ready for her and, generally speaking, I thrive on extensive outdoor activity and physical work. Now, I won’t even be able to pick up my child out of a crib until she’s several months old. But instead of devastation, I feel your prayers holding me up and constantly reminding me of some important biblical principles for suffering. Principles I have the privilege of revisiting and teaching year after year with my students, but principles which mean nothing until they are applied in the context of real-world suffering.

Principle 1: It’s OK to not understand:

We go over this in Job every year. He is devastated physically and emotionally by the loss of everything he has and his response in 1:21 is

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

And naked I will depart.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

May the name of the Lord be praised.”

It sure seems like he weathered that well, but then you realize it doesn’t stop there. The enemy doubles down and through Job’s “friends” brings 35 chapters worth of continued torment in trying to convince him that it’s his fault. This pushes Job to a pretty dark place where in 18:6 he even says, “…then I know that God has wronged me and drawn his net around me.” But finally, God, not being content to leave his friend languishing in despair, meets him and gives him a virtual tour of the universe. One which, oddly enough, doesn’t explain any of his suffering but rather showcases the incredible sovereignty and wisdom of God. At the end of it, Job’s response is,

“Surely I spoke of a thing I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me to know…

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

(42:3,5)

Job is humbled by the knowledge that God knows more than he could ever possibly hope to about what’s going on in the background of his suffering (which suddenly seems quite small in the grand scheme).

I think what he finds and what I find through this experience, is that because God is both good and wise, I can trust him unreservedly without having to understand the meaning of it all. He is truly worthy of the kind of trust that says, “shall we accept good from God and not trouble?”

I Used To Think That I Loved God...

I used to think that I loved God, but now I know that I can’t. 

All my adult life, I’ve been telling my story – how I came to a point where I realized God’s love for me and I was permanently changed. I would love Him forever in return. Or so I thought…
Then I began to understand the flesh vs. the Spirit battle better. The truth is that I am nothing but a broken, empty vessel. I can try to love God, but pour as I might, nothing comes out because any love I may have within me seeped out the cracks long ago.
My only hope for any effectiveness in God’s kingdom is in my restful dependence on
Him. The moment I cease trying to love and simply let His Spirit breathe life into me and fill me, is the moment those around me feel His presence.
I have been completely empty a lot lately. Something about 16 hour days with several intense conversations a day ranging from spiritual warfare, to disciplinary confrontations and personal development; then teaching a Bible class for 2 hours and sitting down to study for the next day, just seems to drain me. I find myself struggling just to read the passage for the following day. I make it through that with zero energy to spare and can do nothing but collapse on the floor facedown, begging God to make this lesson into something because I can’t. I don’t experience a sudden jolt of supernatural energy or inspiration, just a longing for God to show up. I go through the rest of my day tottering on the brink between despair at the prospect of failure, and resting in dependence on the LORD. Finally, I go to bed and sleep only because I know God keeps His promises, not because the cause of anxiety is gone.
I wake up with an unexplained conviction that I need to emphasize a certain point in that day’s passage and the race is on for the day. It passes in a similar fashion to the last one but this time, some of the conversations are spurred by the topics covered in Bible. People are growing as they soak in the Word. The end of the day comes and several students share that their highlights of the day were what God taught them in Bible class.
I may not be able to love God, but it sure doesn’t seem to slow Him down when He wants to do something in me or through me.

To wrap up, I’ll share a few quotes from Wm. R. Newell that have influenced my thinking as I was reading through Miles Stanford’s The Complete Green Letters.

"To 'hope to be better' (hence acceptable) is to fail to see yourself in Christ only."

"To be disappointed with yourself is to have believed in yourself."

The Questionless Conversation

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation trying to get to know someone and end up feeling like you’re giving them the third degree? Or you keep getting one word answers like, “yup, nope, good, nah” etc. Honestly, I can understand the frustration on both sides. The question asker is frustrated by not really getting anything of value and the questioned is annoyed by the persistent assaults on the castle of his private life.
I would like to propose that the questionless conversation could be a liberating alternative to its mutually frustrating counterpart, which I affectionately call the interrogation. First of all, it is important to know the theology and heart behind the questionless conversation. If the foundation of it is well understood and put into practice then there will be much more freedom in your methodology as long as your heart is in the right place.
The basis of a good conversation is connection with the heart as opposed to a collection of information. If we think about the way that God draws us into relationship with Him, we realize that He does not demand much from us. Rather, He invites us into relationship with Him. He shows us His love through His Son and gives us the option to choose to respond with love or rejection. This is a risky approach, which is why I believe I tend to avoid it quite often in my relationship with others. It’s not fun being denied relationship when you extend an invitation. Yet, that’s exactly how God puts Himself out there. He has relinquished His total control of our response so that we can freely choose to connect with Him.
One reason I think specific questions are used in attempts to connect with people, is that the one asking the question has some control over what kind of response he or she gets. The questionless conversation relinquishes that control. Instead it seeks to express an interest in the other’s heart and allows them the freedom to respond at whatever level of depth they choose.
Imagine the person’s life is like a pantry with lots of shelves. On the top shelves they have small facts about themselves and their experiences. “I’ve been to France,” “I have three brothers,” and the like. As you go down to the middle shelves, you get the heavier items such as experiences themselves. This is where things begin to take the shape of stories. They might even have emotions attached to them and they could act as a window to the heart, but they are not the heart. Finally, at the bottom are the stories, the pains and the joys. These are the heavy items. When someone hands you one of these, it should always be treated as sacred, valuable, and private. Treating these with respect will affirm the person’s dignity and help you both connect with the heart God gave them.
If I were to barge into someone’s house and start asking for things from their pantry, what do you suppose they are likely to give me? As an intruder, I expect they would hand me the least valuable items, the facts. But what if I extended an invitation. Would you like to come over for a Barbeque? Bring something to share if you would like. Then, when they are free to share whatever they desire, one is far more apt to pick something from a lower shelf. Once they see how I treat that, they may bring something even more valuable the next time, or even invite me over. Then we have a true relationship beginning.
So how does this questionless conversation work practically? The first time I was asked to try this, I was frustrated because I didn’t have any other way of starting conversation. But I have since come up with a few alternatives that have more of a feel of an invitation than an interrogation. So here they are.
• The expression of interest: “I would love to hear about…”
This one is key; it’s the foundation of the others and makes people feel welcome to share freely. It can also be used to go deeper if you say something like “I would love to hear more about…”
• The invitation to depth: “Tell me more about…”
This one should be used cautiously with both tone and placement so that it’s not a demand. Use it to show that you heard what them and are interested.
• Curiosity: “I’m curious about…”
This shows that you have an interest in some aspect of the person’s life and invites them to share more without restrictions on what or how much they share.
• Wondering: “I wonder if _____ is connected with _______.”
This one is good for searching out connections between things without assuming that you know or have the answer. Invites the other to consider connections with you.
• Reframing: “It seems like you’re saying …”
This shows the person that you’ve been listening. It’s amazing how often this leads to deeper conversation simply because they know they are heard.
• Observation: “I noticed when you were talking, you said…” or, “I noticed you looked down when you started talking about…”
These ones can be particularly hard not to draw conclusions from. We may know or think we know what is happening, but it is still more inviting to allow them the option to explain from their perspective.

My hope is that you’ll take the challenge and try out this approach with some conversations with friends or strangers. When getting used to it, it can be fun to challenge yourself to see how long you can go in a conversation without asking a question. If you get stuck and can’t think of a non-question, don’t fret or freeze, just ask a question to keep things flowing and remember the principle of expressing an interest and inviting the other to share. As you have opportunity keep using the ideas above or improvise your own. See what works for you and enjoy. I trust it will give a new richness and life to your relationships.